To be a good Chinese, you must be filial towards your elders. While this means providing parents with grandchildren so they still feel relevant, this also means worshiping and remembering your deceased relatives and ancestors on the annual festival specific to filial piety, Qingming (清明节).
But Qingming isn’t just about reminiscing about your extended family like a feel-good recap of a Chinese “Family Ties” (80′s entrepreneur Alex P. Keaton FTW). It’s hard work. Memorials for Tomb Sweeping Festival are held at graves which can be located at the tops of hills; while you compete for position among throngs of other Qingmingers, you’re out there in the pouring rain while stuck in huge traffic jams like the one we had this year that included 80,000 cars and 18 clogged highways.
*SPEAKS DIRECTLY INTO CAMERA* “If only there was an easier way!”
If the enterprising spirit found on Taobao is any indication, you can now comfortably worship your ancestors from the leisure of your own home, catamaran, or jacuzzi. All it takes is for you to hire someone to perform all of your Qingming duties for you.
What only served as a wacky plot device from the Ge You vehicle “Personal Tailor” (2013) is now a service for hire on Taobao. Competing outlets will offer to perform for you such Qingming duties such as tomb sweeping the, lighting of incense, bowing, the reading of a memorial speech, tomb decoration, and picture taking. Nandu reported that there are 58 such online services at varying prices to be found on Taobao in areas covering the entire country.
The proprietor of one such online shop, a Mr Lei, says that his line of work is often misunderstood to the point that a former girlfriend once left him due to these circumstances. Mr Let said he has been doing this job for four years and fondly recalls once helping a family that were located overseas:
The entire family knelt in front of the computer (on Skype) and cried towards the grave marker for a long time. At that time, I cried as well… We don’t do this purely to make money, but instead do this to help those friends who are inconvenienced and are not able to return home.
Here at the Nanfang, we’re always interested in being the most filial we can be, so a brief search for “tomb sweeping replacement services” on Taobao turned up the following results:
For 500 yuan, you can get this guy to bow at your ancestor’s grave:
This guy will show up in a suit:
Or you can opt for this service, strangely promoted by using a picture of Rosa and Karen Peralta mourning at the grave of Marine Corps Sgt. Rafael Peralta at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetary in San Diego, California:
You can still be that filial son you’ve always meant to be as you tee off on the golf range, or that doting daughter as you go browsing for luxury goods. And to prove that you’re extra filial, you can always buy your ancestors a trending paper Phone or tablet to burn instead of the traditional “hell money”.
Photo: Taobao, (1, 2, 3)
